Sunday, July 14, 2013

Another month in my rear view.

Month 1 was horrible like a fresh wound with salt and sand rubbed in it. This month was tough, but manageable, like a dull ache that won't stop and no amount of tylonel can make go away. 

I learned that no one can make me feel worse than I can all by myself. I learned that friends are the family you choose, and blood family will love you always. Other things I learned are going a little crazy is ok, getting help isn't shameful, and neighbors can be wonderful. The biggest thing I learned is if I take care of myself, makeup, hair done, not frumpy clothes I feel better, it may not seem like that would make a world of difference, but it does.

Things will never stop changing in this little land of Thrift. My beautiful daughter Cheyenne keeps me on my toes for sure. I got to see Zoey again and she is a healthy little horse and looks like she is going to be much bigger than her sister when she is born. Her birthday has been scheduled as well. August the 16th unless my body decides otherwise. We had Zoey's baby shower, it was wonderful. I will have 2 very well dressed and well taken care of little girls regardless of what momma looks like. 

Learning to cry has been the biggest breakthrough this month. I have finally allowed myself to cry whenever I feel it. No matter what triggers it, a stupid commercial, a random song, seeing something that reminds me of Shane. On the flip side of that coin the hardest thing I did this month was to go through and box up Shane's clothes. Since we know that the addition will not be completed by the time Zoey gets here I decided to make my room comfortable for us to be in together for a while. I also decided to go through my personal friends list on Facebook and get rid of those people who added me to see my statuses about Shane, there were a few I kept but not many.

So 2 months. Time is a funny thing. It doesn't seem like that much time has passed. I will never fully heal, there will always be that piece of my heart missing, but I will survive and get better everyday. This world is mine for the long haul and I am going to make the very best of it that I can.

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