Saturday, August 10, 2013
This Monday the 12th of August Shane and I would have been married for 7 years, though we were together almost 10. They went by so quickly, and then ended just as quickly. Our vows were simple I promised to love, honor, and cherish him, his were the same, I vowed til death do us part as did he.
I am finally starting to feel anger. A 21 year old moron driving his fathers car killed my husband. He will get to walk through life marry, have children, raise his children, go to work, and Shane will not. It was Murder, I don't care if it was in cold blood or not, he Murdered my husband. He killed a man who loved hard, worked hard, earned his respect from others, and did everything he could to make his life better.
I don't even know if this piece of crap feels remorse, I doubt it, because this day in age it seems like people just take human life for granted. Because of him 2 little girls will grow up without their Daddy who loved them more than life itself. Cheyenne knows that, but Zoey will only know what I and others can tell her. That is unforgivable. If ever I am faced with this boy, and he attempts to ask of my forgiveness, I will not be able to do it. He took so much from me and from our family, he took my everything.
Shane was a truly Godly man, we did not go to church, because in our eyes our God is not in a building as many would tell us constantly. Throughout our marriage people would tell us we needed a Church Home, no we needed faith, we had and have that in spades. We did not need to walk in a church to tell us we had the Lord with us. There was a point in the funeral service that I wanted to stand up and scream when the preacher kept talking about how Shane's brother only saved his soul because his brother went through the sinners prayer with him. No, Shane was a saved and whole man long before that time. The fact that we were in a church that had standing room only told that. When I get told all the time that Shane had helped a person and asked for nothing in return countless times, he was a saved man. The fact that he did so much for his family told that. He did not need words to Save him, he had what so many who have words didn't, don't, and never will. He had pure love and FAITH in God and showed it through his daily actions, not words that mean nothing.
There are 5 words that make me so angry every time I hear them spoken out loud to me. I am praying for you. Well that's nice, I guess you had to tell me out loud to make you feel better, because it doesn't do much for me to hear you say it to me. I have asked no one to pray for me, so please don't make it seem like a big deal that you are. Prayer is a private thing, I pray constantly, for others, myself, my children, etc. but I do not feel it needs to be advertised to anyone.
If there was advice I could give to anyone at this point of my life it would be this. When you are married God comes first, your spouse comes second, your children come third, and you come fourth. Marriage is in God's eyes forever, wait to find the one that compliments you, not the first person that comes around. Compromise is not that hard, fighting is. More than anything love your partner how they are, don't attempt to change them, I wouldn't have wanted my husband anyway but how he was and he didn't want me any different than how I am. Don't change yourself to be a different person based on who you are with, no one wants a false relationship. Marriage is not easy, it's not meant to be, it is suppose to ebb and flow, work at it, don't give up on it lay down and expect it just to work out. I love you is easy to say, but they are just words if there are no actions to back the words up.